Unusual Responsibility

Its strange really, for most of my life I've been either part of a couple where we both work or not working. Suddenly I find myself as the partner that is working when the other one isn't.
Its odd, unusual but ultimately not so bad.And I get to spend ages on the phone chatting to people under the pretext of working. Not such a bad life really.

As I've said before though, the difference here is that Robin is so supportive and shares the responsibility of family life really well. Ok so he doesn't do housework but as he said the other day, he doesn't do it at home either. As I hate it too perhaps a maid might be a good idea, that or get the children to do more. No point in having them and not utilizing them!

      Still at least I can get him to wash up occasionally and he does wash up when I ask nicely.

Its school sports day today and the girls are really keen for me to go this afternoon. 
I  would have weakened and agreed to go, but then the topic of the parents race came up
 and they are insistent that if I go I will have to race, at which point I refused point blank. If you'd seen me you would understand, anyone less likely to run a race you haven't met!
  

Oh well, back to work I guess.

Support

So here's the thing, I'm up here, supposedly working for a living, and what are the girls and Robin doing? Craft - glass painting to be more precise. 
 
This whole senario is strange, and I love every minute of it. The more time I spend with Robin and the more he interacts with the family the more I love him. He is understanding of my moods and concerns, brilliant and natural with the girls and the best bit is he is a brilliant cook.   
 
So we didn't win the lottery this week, but who needs it when you are happy? I can't remember such practical support from anyone when I've been trying to work. Its been so nice to get on and do today without the stresses of worrying that the girls are bored or getting into trouble and trying to reconcile it all with someone who just wants to sit in front of a play station all day.
 
Went to the Church fete yesterday which was really nice, Dad and Jacqui met us there and were quite chatty with Robin which is always a good sign. I'm really not sure what to do with a boyfriend that my Dad likes, its never happened before!
 
Well, I'd best get back to doing some work, before we need to go out and visit the family.

Family Life

For one reason or another, mainly his work related, Robin has been living with us for the last week. Which actually hasn't been as bad as you might have thought, given that he is a confirmed bachelor and not used to living with children.
What he has taught all of us though is how to be a family. Never before have we played board games together, read together or gone out for walks and outings together in such a "family" way.

Previous relationships have involved an internal conflict for me as to which role I am playing - mother, lover, friend etc. But for the first time there are no pre-defined roles, I just AM. And it is good and its ok, and its working.
I finally feel like I'm with someone who completes me. When I am down he takes over, protects me and sorts things out, and in return I do my best to support him and help him cope with the crap that his work demise is causing at the moment. though I'm not sure how much my hugs are helping, but they are plentiful and meaningful.
Something else I've noticed in myself in this relationship which is quite a departure for me, is a feeling of maturity. A few things have happened which normally would have had me acting like a spoilt child and stamping my feet. Instead, I've been self aware and reacted differently. The end result has been much better and far nicer to live with, so perhaps there is something to this growing up after all.

So overall, life is good. The money concerns are still there, I still don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, what direction I want to take, but I'm loved, I love someone dearly, the sex is great and getting better all the time, and the girls are happy. AND...I've laughed more in the last couple of months than I have done for a couple of years.
What more could a girl ask for?

Funny little things

Its strange somehow how things work out, I finally did the right thing and told the girls that their Dad didn't want to see them, something I'd been putting off for a while, so as not to hurt them even more. And instead it was a positive thing. I feel like a chapter in their lives and mine is now closed and we can move forward.
It doesn't take away the pain and hurt that they are feeling as well as the rejection, but at least it is all in the open and there is no deception now.
I finally feel like I am free of the black shadow that had been hanging over my life called Fred.
I guess its like finally starting to trust God, and giving up things to him, only to have more freedom than you had before.
....
There is something truly nice about coming home from an evening out to someone you love. Even if they aren't in a good place at the moment or they have had a crap day and you need to support them when you get in, its still nice to come in and have a hug and a kiss and feel the warmth of someone caring that you are home again.
Not that I would have wished the situation that has arisen to have done so, but the upshot and the benefit of it is that Robin is here tonight and for a bit, and I got to go out and come home to him tonight. Lovely.

Sunday Nights & Monday Mornings

Sunday nights seem to be getting harder and harder... I feel it starting to well on a Sunday afternoon. I guess I understand a bit more now how it was for Fred when I used to have to go back to uni and leave him at home. It was hell leaving but I'm not convinced the staying behind is any better.
I miss Robin already, and although its only a few days till I see him again, it is a few days too long. It was 10 o'clock last night before he left, and neither of us wanted it to happen. I did feel a bit guilty for hanging onto him for so long, especially as he had the long drive home.
The weekend was lovely, although the girls were little cows. If one could upset the other they did, if they could find something to complain about they did. By the end of Saturday evening I was fit to kill them. We'd been out all day and they were horrible. I made a cup of tea and sat on the sofa, Robin lay with his legs over my lap effectively pinning me down. Its just as well, as there were several times they were lucky I couldn't get up to sort them out.
The feeling of bliss when they went to bed was wonderful.
Yesterday wasn't much better, we refused to take them out anywhere nice as they had been so horrible, and they spent a fair while having to take it in turns to go to their room as they continued to be horrible.
Its the little things though that make the difference... I took the girls to church in the morning and asked Robin to put the chicken in the oven. I didn't have to talk him through how to do it, what temp to put the oven on or what time to put it in or anything. It was brilliant, not to mention beautifully cooked. He'd even known to cook it upside down so it would be really tender. Next weekend we've challenged him to cook lunch for us, to have it ready for when we come back from church. I get the feeling that it is going to be better than my cooking, which is even better as he could just get a job for life!
Not to mention the fact that he probably can do a mean Yorkshire pudding and I really can't!
I'm off to coffee this afternoon with someone from my alpha course, which I'm looking forward to, but also am a bit apprehensive about... New people, new places sort of thing. But it is nice to start to get to know someone else from church too. She is a lovely lady and really kind so I'm sure it will be fine.
Lets just hope the little darlings are better this evening when I pick them up from school.

Insurance !!!

Had a lovely weekend being a family with Robin and the girls, it was great. From the little things like the hugs to the bigger things, it was really really good to have someone to share things with.
What wasn't so good was the trip to the therapist on Tuesday. I had lots of things going round in my head about Fred and the girls, but I came away with none of them answered and the feeling that she hadn't helped in any way. I came home completely shattered, I was so drained, it was like my body shut down. Yesterday was a bit similar but thankfully today is a bit better.
Had a bit of a shock yesterday when I called the insurance company to do something about paying the extra on my premium having moved up here (bit late I hear, but what the hell) to be told by a lovely lady that my renewal was coming up and it is due on the 8th July. What a shock, I really thought it wasn't due till September.
Then today I went online to see what sort of price I could find. Well, I'm glad I was sitting down is all I can say, the price has about trebled. There's no way I can find the money to pay it. I don't quite know what to do, but I guess that a call to dear old Dad is in order.
Some days I just want to give up and not bother any more, it seems that the more I try and move forward, the further behind I get. Roll on tomorrow evening when I can give Robin a hug and help him with his worries and forget about mine.